It's been a few days since we last spoke, well since we sent a few text messages.  I guess I am to scared to text her now, I don't know if she wants me to or not - I could do with a sign.  I do keep checking my phone - just incase one has sneaked on in.  You see the trouble is I worry about her, I know I shouldn't but I do, I guess when you love somebody that's what you do, you want to protect them from everything. 

Earlier in the week I wrote about "Bonfire Heart" - the James Blunt song that I keep hearing.  Today before I left for work I heard part of Gary Barlow's new song - just a few lines they were saying "let me go".  The song had me hooked - I couldn't wait to get home and hear the whole song, but those few words I heard sat in my head all day - I could hear her saying them to me, "let me go" "forget about me", I kind of felt a little blue all day.  Once I got home and a number of plays later - I found myself drawn into the lyrics - listening to them over and over again, watching the video as the words appeared and the more I read them, the more I realised - this was somebody saying - go and find your true love, go and find the person you want because I don't give you what you need.  I found myself thinking how I need to tell somebody that exact message (not her) - but its like a pillow - once its been ripped open - you can't just collect all the feathers up and stuff them back in.

I guess what has me thinking is find out what they truly want, what's locked away in their heart - not what they think they want or what they are happy to go along with - when you think you use your head not your heart.  In our heads we make the logical choice, but love is not logical - love has it's own rules.  What were their dreams and desires as they grew up, all girls want to be a princess, to be hugged, to be held and be loved, romanced and protected - because these things are locked away in their hearts from a young age  - just get the key to her heart - find it conversation, long walks and cuddles. 

We used to listen to music all the time - mostly on the way to and from work. It's funny how the song lyrics almost described us perfectly - whether it was "You don't know your beautiful" and slightly later "All the little things" by 1 direction or whether it was "These arms of mine" or "When a woman loves" they all seemed to convey the same message.

I used to create playlists and put them on to CD for her, so she would always be reminded of our drives to work. Now she has them on her iPod, shuffling through the songs to her favourites. I have not listened to my music for a while, it just does not seem to make sense, but for the past week I have found myself drawn to one song in particular thats been played on the radio.

A song that we have never listend to together, but a song that I know she would love, it's "Bonfire Heart" by James Blunt. The lyrics seem to sum up our time together - 

Everybody wants a flame, but they don’t want to get burnt
And today is our turn

Days like these lead to
Nights like this leads to
Love like ours
You light the spark in my bonfire heart
People like us, we don’t need that much
Just someone that starts, starts the spark in our bonfire hearts"Days like these, lead to nights like this"

It talks of not needing much, that's how it always was with her, we didn't need much, to me i just needed her company, nothing difficult, everything came naturally.  We could make each other laugh without trying, we knew when one of us needed a cuddle, we knew each other inside out.

I think that's why I am thinking of her today, there were so many days like these and for me, I could have spent (and still would) a life time full of days like these.