I was chatting with somebody the other day and we were discussing "life" they told me how they had asked people the question "How do they cope" - they just say "They just do".  This has got me thinking about the answer - "You just do [cope]".

I thought to myself - how did I cope, how did I go through all that - I had no direct support - I lived away from all my family, I had nobody to call on.  I guess I was in a stable job, pay was good - but still no where near what I needed to actually survive (and it still isn't) and I had the luxury of tax free living, no mortgage, and limited monthly costs.  Luckily a promotion came along and that eased some of the worries.

Having thought about all those years ago - I realised how I coped - sacrifice - you sacrifice what you want,  you change your plans, you change what you enjoy (Holidays, shopping, eating out), to ensure that you can cope.  You give up the things you enjoy and look forward to the days when you can enjoy them again.  For me I gave up my sports, nights out, shopping and the spontaneous purchases - i guess you give up your lifestyle - that's how you cope you change your whole lifestyle.

The other way though is not to just cope - it's to plan, it's to be ambitious, it's to put the effort in now, its to make those sacrifices now, just for a few years and do with out, so that when you do reach that point - you don't just cope, you're ready, you have what you need, not what you need to cope, but what you need to succeed.

I found myself thinking about how when we love somebody we encourage them to follow their dreams, We don't just agree with their decisions about change, direction or the decorating, we help them to grow the idea, we have a say, we share their dream and vision. We encourage them to realise their potential, we are involved with the dream and we want to share the vision and the future.

I guess that's me all over - I encourage people to be the best they can be, to achieve their dreams, to go for it when everybody else doubts them. If somebody says they want to do something I give them support, help and encouragement. The reason why - I don't want them to have regrets, I want them to feel inspired to achieve their dreams, happiness and desires  I want them to feel supported in their decisions because once you achieve it, you can enjoy it together.

Think about a piano, at first it's a few random keys sounding a bit like a song, but with practice it sounds a lot like a song, but you have to be encouraged to play it, to keep at it, you need somebody to help work out which notes are which, you need help to read the music, If you don't have that encouragement, well then you just have a piano in you life.

That's what I got from her - encouragement, she had faith in me, she encouraged me, she helped me to grow the dream, in fact she shared the dream. I guess I am missing that encouragement at the moment, missing her advice and missing sharing the dream.

Sometimes though you need the encouragement of a few people, you need to tell them it, about what you want to do, how your feeling, ask them for advice, you want them to become involved in it.  It helps to open your mind, it helps you to actually realise where you are going and how you will get there.  I guess you also want their blessing, that no matter how hard it gets, how difficult it is to achieve, they will support you through it all.

The only thing that stops people from supporting others is the changes they would have to make in their lives or in their day to accommodate that support, that encouragement. Would they be able to or do they want to make those changes, they may have to grow up themselves, they may have to take on more responsibility, they may have to change jobs and with that comes the added pressure - after all a leopard cant change its spots - no matter how hard you try.

I guess what I am saying is don't chase a dream, that has no support or encouragement. It has to be a completely shared dream, with no selfishness.